Center of Reproductology / Blog / How to survive pregnancy loss – psychologist’s advice

How to survive pregnancy loss – psychologist’s advice

Positive thoughts, emotions and good mood play an incredibly important role in a person’s life, well-being and health. And the loss of the desired pregnancy is a real tragedy in the life of every woman. It is experienced by a woman on four levels – hormonal, mental, emotional, social, because her body is created as the cradle of a new life. Moreover, if this is repeated more than once or twice, then even the strongest person can give up. In such a situation, the most important thing is not to lose hope and faith in your strength, move on and in no case stay one–on-one with your misfortune.

The closest environment – friends and relatives – can help a woman overcome her grief. However, their help can be effective only if they know the basics of psychological support for such cases.

How to help survive pregnancy loss: tips for loved ones

If someone from your family or friends has experienced pregnancy loss, you can support them with words: «You are not alone. I’m really sorry that this happened. How can I help?» Try to help a woman recognize her right to grieve – this is the first small step towards healing.

The experience of grief has its own way. It can consist of 5 stages of overcoming a traumatic situation:

1. Denial. “No! This can’t be happening!”

2. Anger. “I hate everything and everyone!”

3. Search for reasons. “Why? Who is to blame? For what?”

4. Apathy. Depression. “I don’t want anything…I don’t have the strength…”

5. Acceptance. “I can’t change anything in the past. But I have a present and a future.”

The development of the condition in each case is individual in duration and intensity. A person, depending on individual characteristics, can skip several stages or fixate on one, come back and move on again. The general task of getting out of a traumatic situation is to realize what happened and allow yourself to live with this new experience of grief. Why is it important to recognize and live emotions? This will allow you to let them go in the future.

Dealing with destructive thoughts and feelings

Destructive thoughts and feelings that arise in a woman after the loss of pregnancy can be directed both at herself and at others. A sense of guilt, a feeling of being inferior, broken, devastated, pathetic and even dirty are formed in relation to oneself. In relation to others, a complex of reducing oneself develops, a false impression of condemnation from others, a lack of empathy and understanding.

To overcome this condition , it is necessary:

  • communication with friends and acquaintances;
  • expressing your emotions and feelings through painting, poetry, writing, keeping diaries;
  • forming a support group of people you trust (these may be close friends, relatives, professional psychologists).

It is very important not to ignore or hide these emotions from yourself, namely to live them and let them go. Be patient, give yourself as much time as you need.

When you need the help of a psychologist

If the condition does not change, and you feel that your emotions are going in a vicious circle, depression and indifference are increasing, keep in mind that this may be a sign of the formation of a psychological complication known as the complicated grief experience syndrome. Its signs: anxiety, numbness, fear of children or obsession with another child, the same type of memories, nightmares. Like any complication, this syndrome requires immediate intervention by specialists. A psychologist or psychotherapist can quickly help you break the vicious circle and find a constructive way out of the situation.

Signs of behavioral deviation after pregnancy loss

Deviation, as a rule, begins as a defense against too strong emotions in the form of disguise or denial of grief and loss. It can manifest itself daily or periodically. Exacerbations may be caused by dates (anniversary of loss, planned date of birth, etc.).

Deviation can manifest itself in the form of:

  • prolonged groundless anxiety;
  • eating disorders (fasting or constant overeating);
  • rejection of marital relationships and communication with loved ones;
  • addiction formation (games, medications, alcohol, etc.);
  • workaholics or any phobia;
  • sexual dysfunction or violent relationships.

All these conditions are associated with a complicated experience of loss and require qualified assistance. Don’t give up!

What is important to know after pregnancy loss

To avoid complications associated with pregnancy loss and to live on with the belief that everything will be fine, it is very important to understand the following: the possibility of healing is as real as the fact of loss. There is a potential for recovery in the experience itself. There is no predictable experience of loss. There is no predictable experience of loss. Only the presence of an exit and a constructive solution is predictable.

Even very close and empathetic relatives or friends are not always able and able to provide adequate support. You need to understand this and contact specialists in time.

General recommendations of a psychologist

In any situation, it is impossible to get away from reality and not give emotions a way out. If a person lives a traumatic situation alone, then it is necessary to pronounce it, writing thoughts in a diary, on a dictaphone. After recording, it is important to review what has been stated several times and, when you decide that everything has been said, destroy what has been written. You can write a few symbolic letters and tell about the feelings and experiences that you are experiencing. The purpose of these classes is to let go of pain and alleviate suffering.

If there is a social circle that helps to survive the loss, it is necessary to speak out all the memories related to the circumstances of the incident (from the moment when they decided to have a child or learned about pregnancy to the very fact of loss). If you are in doubt who exactly you can trust, then the ideal solution would be to contact a specialist.

The help of a psychologist specializing in such conditions is necessary if:

  • the period is not overcome in 3-4 weeks;
  • there is no trusted person with whom you could talk absolutely all stages of the situation;
  • there is a feeling that the experience has dragged on and there is no way out;
  • there is a feeling that you cannot cope with the problem on your own;
  • there are signs of destructive behavior;
  • there is a need for support and understanding.

Your main task is not just to survive the loss, but to fully restore resources for later life and new projects. Everyone experiences grief in their own way, at their own pace. But the most important thing is that you should always feel supported. Believe – and you will succeed!

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